I am Murdoc Niccals
by Spyder1070
Summary: 2D discovers it's not always a good idea, to assume you're alone in Kong. Ever. But then sometimes certain people should take care. Not to assume fate will never pay him back. TWO chapter story.
1. Chapter 1

**I am Murdoc Niccals.**

2D is in the bathroom. Having just finished having a shower. The Keyboardist is standing in front of the sink, brushing his teeth and looking at his reflection in the mirror. Quite bored, he tilts his head to one side and thinks a moment. Then smiling takes the brush from his mouth.

"Allo me." he beams, toothpaste dripping from his mouth. He rinses and grabbing his towel, wipes his face. Then looks once again at his reflection, grinning and checking his teeth. He picks up his hair brush and starts roughly brushing his hair. Then suddenly being struck by an odd thought. Stops and quickly looks around the room. He sneaks to the door and locks it, then walks quickly back to the mirror. Running the water and wetting down his hair. He styles it like Murdocs and grabbing his towel, drapes it around his shoulders and ties it around his neck like a cape. Looking back in the mirror, he grins at his reflection, in the same way he has seen Murdoc do it, many times before. Then clearing his throat and adopting a raspy, drunken drawl talks to the mirror as if it is an audience.

"Good evening folks. A,Allow me to introduce myself. I. Am Murdoc Niccals. Bass player not so extraordinaire, but most definitely in perfect denial of the fact. Oh and a very smelly man." he waves his hand flamboyantly and smiling at his small joke, bows low and continues. Feeling much more confident. "I. Am the creator of Gorillaz. Of course I also believe I am the be all and end all of them. Mind you, I am very delu, delushun, delusional. Possibly due to the smell. I'm not rrrrreally sure?" This makes 2d laugh loudly. He covers his mouth and holding onto the bench top, tries to regain his composure. He finally stops and clearing his throat again continues.

"I think I am a real ladies man. In truth, I am just a transvestite. I quite possibly am in denial of that as well? But I ain't sayin'." he winks at the mirror and now brimming with confidence walks back and forth, checking out how he looks. "In addition. I also think I am a real good dancer. Allow me to demonstrate my devastating moves to you all. Of course there really is just the one move. I just like doin' it a lot. Here we go." 2D begins, closing his eyes and mimicking Murdocs pelvic thrust. Moving around in a small circle.

"Oh yeah. I am Murdoc Niccals. Watch me dance. Watch me thrust my old man hips at you. It's all I can do to keep arthritis at bay. Yeah. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!" he grunts. Finally back round to the front, he opens his eyes again and looks back at his reflection. To his horror he spots two odd glimmering eyes, just over his right shoulder. He gulps as he realizes he is staring directly at a violently furious Murdoc.

Unfortunately for the Keyboardist. As he was washing his hair, Murdoc had walked in and had been sitting in one of the toilets reading a pornographic magazine. Having heard quite enough as far as he was concerned, he has now come out to make sure 2D knew exactly what he thought about it. 2D spins rapidly and smiles nervously at the Bassist, who is standing there, quite still, arms folded, tapping his foot. The young man pulls the towel from about his neck and swallows hard.

"Ohhh. Umm. Hi ahh. Muds. Sir. Boss. Heh, heh. Ahhh. Umm. Wow! This new batch of my pills haven't half affected me funny. Phew! I ahhh. Hope I don't do anyfink to like embarrass meself or nufink. Ha, ha. Gulp!" he lies, trying to worm his way out of a beating. Murdoc just continues to silently stare. 2D knows his lie isn't working and slowly backs towards the door. Quite forgetting it is locked. He fumbles with the handle confused as to why the door won't open. Murdoc drops his chin, unfolds his arms and slowly approaches the young man. His odd eyes barely visible under his fringe, shine out like beacons.

"Oh really." the Bassist finally hisses, as he reaches his hand out to the youth. 2D suddenly realizes the door is locked and just manages to get it unlocked, as the Bassist grabs him by the back of the neck. He grips the door handle tightly and tries to hang on. But Murdoc wrenches him free and begins to drag him backwards to the toilets.

"Ahhh! No! Really! I didn't mean it Muds. I was under the influence of forces that woz beyond my control." the young man yelps, clutching madly at the sink and trying to prevent himself from being dragged further. But Murdoc tugs him lose again, and just keeps dragging him. The young mans feet slipping on the wet bathroom floor. Arms and legs flailing madly about, looking for anything to stop himself from being taken any further.

"Yeah. And now you are under the influence of me. You know? Yers truly. The REAL Murdoc Niccals. But THIS one ain't too happy." the Bassist sneers and slams open one of the doors. He swings the youth around to face the toilet and gripping him tightly by the shoulders, leans down and hisses into the young mans ear. "Allow me to introduce you to the toilet bowl?"

"I'd prefer if ya didn't. I've seen it and it's crap." the youth smiles, still in his Murdoc voice. Hoping to make the old man giggle. Oddly the old man does laugh, and 2D breathes a sigh of relief.

"Ya know?" Murdoc chuckles. "It's funny you said that." he continues and his smile dropping to a ferocious scowl, he shoves 2D forwards and slams the door behind them.

Outside in the corridor. Russel is just leaving his room, when he hears 2Ds blood curdling scream. He shudders and looks at the bathroom door.

"Damn! I swear 2D. You jus' gotta cut back on sum of dat fiber?" he mutters and shuddering walks quickly down the corridor to the lobby.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am Murdoc Niccals. (Part 2)**

2D sits quietly on the floor of his bedroom, leaning his back against the side of his bed. He slowly wipes his hair with his towel and sighs sadly. Slowly looking at his closed bedroom door and slowly bringing the image of the car park and Winnie beyond, to his mind.

"It woz jus' a joke." he moans softly. The images of Murdoc shoving his head, deep into the filthy toilet bowl and holding him under. Flashes painfully into his mind and the young man shudders. "I guess I should'a known better?" he sighs and sniffs the towel. He grimaces and tosses it away from him towards the door. He sighs again and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'm never gunna smell right again!" he groans loudly. From the car park. Murdocs screeching voice filters it's way through his door and into his room.

"Shuddup!" the unseen Bassist snaps. Suddenly there is a loud thump against the Keyboardists door. The young man jumps a little and instinctively pulls away, hiding his head under his arms.

"Sorry!" he calls back to the old man, lifting his head and looking at the door.

"I saaaaaid. SHUDDUP!" the unseen Bassist screeches back, and there is another loud thump against 2Ds closed and locked bedroom door. The young man takes the hint and quietens down. He stands up and goes to his side table drawer. Opening it and rummaging around inside he finds a cannister of deodorant. And sprays himself liberally. Shuddering when the mist touches his bare skin.

"Guess that'll haffta do for now?" he says quietly to himself with a sigh. "I ain't goin out there for seconds. That's for sure." he adds, throwing the almost empty cannister back in the drawer.

The young man steps back to his bed and flops himself down heavily upon it. Throwing his legs round and laying down on his back. He stares up at the bedroom ceiling and draws his arms up behind his head. Interlacing his fingers and settling his head down upon them like a pillow. He allows his mind to drift a little, but once again catches the images from before. He shudders and shakes his head, trying to push them from his mind. He settles on the image of a tree and drifts off.

Later that day. 2D walks from his room. He looks down and sees an old boot that looks like it's been chewed on by either a very large dog, "Or a very angry green man?" he smiles. Next to it is a car distributor cap, that looks like it has seen better days. Realizing these must be the things Muds had thrown at the door, he kicks them over into the corner near the bin. And makes his way through the car park. He stops at Murdoc Winnie and stares at it for a moment. He smiles strangely and creeps up to one of the windows. Carefully he looks inside for any signs of the old man inside.

He finds himself staring almost directly into the filthy kitchen sink. The strange zombie lady turns her head and looks back at him. The young man pulls quickly back and gasps a little.

"That woman really creeps me out." he mutters to himself, and walks round to the front of the vehicle. He cups his hands on the wind shield and pressing his nose almost on the glass, looks around the cabin. He catches himself giggling at the monkey poster and clears his throat. Seeing no sign of the Bassist he walks back to the door and carefully opens it. Making sure to look around the car park, just in case.

The stench that escapes the open door, nearly knocks the Keyboardist off his feet. He shuts the door again and covers his nose with his hand.

"Oh my God!" he splutters and dry retches a little. Then suddenly flails his arms around him. Fighting off the invisible stench that has somehow seemed to come to life and has begun to attack him. "Gerroff!" he snaps quietly. The stench vanquished, he holds his breath and covering his nose opens the door again.

Stepping inside and closing the door behind him. The young man looks around and is almost immediately attacked by Murdocs raven, Cortez. He squeals and covering his head waves frantically at the insane bird. Cortez dives at him and clutching at the young mans back. Begins furiously pecking at his head and hands. 2D reaches back and opens the door. Braving the birds vicious beak, he grabs at it. After a brief struggle, he catches him and throws him out the door. Shutting it quickly before the bird can fly back in. He rushes to the manhole in the Winnies roof and closes that as well. Cortez dives at the windows, pecking at the glass, trying to get back in. After a little while the bird settles down and perches on the Winnies side mirror. 2D knows when he steps outside, "That mad bird is gunna get me." he gulps and leans heavily against the small table near the door.

Finally able to calm down. The young man begins to look around the small mobile home. He opens an overhead compartment and rummages around inside. Behind many partially filled bottles of booze, he finds an odd shaped ball with a strange tassel attached to the top of it. He takes it and stares carefully at it, wondering why Murdoc would have something like that. He carefully turns it over in his hand. Suddenly he finds himself staring into two very small eyes and realizes it's not a ball. But a shrunken human head.

"Ahhh!" he screams in fright and tosses it back into the cupboard, slamming the door shut and leaping back across the aisle. He compulsively wipes his hands on his pants, trying to wipe away the feeling of the strange thing from his hands. "That woz horrible." he mutters and steps away towards the kitchen. He stops dead in his tracks as he suddenly finds himself face to face and almost nose to nose with the zombie lady. She silently stares at him. Shaking in her strange way. He smiles awkwardly and carefully steps around her, trying hard not to touch her. The triffid in the corner shakes and snaps at him. He leaps back from that and almost trips on the bear skin rug. Grabbing at the cupboard he manages to stop himself falling in the floor.

"This place is a death trap! How the heck can he possibly sleep in heya?" he splutters and moving carefully with his back against the cupboard door, finds himself looking in the bathroom. "Ewww. That's right gross." he gags and covers his mouth. Deciding that is one place he wouldn't go, 'for all the money in the universe.'

At Murdocs bed. For a brief second he considers sitting down. But spotting the stain, decides he doesn't have near enough health insurance and remains standing. He looks back, now facing the front, at the two cupboards and wonders what is inside. The young man opens the one on the right and sees a few coats and jackets. Nothing to out of the ordinary. Then turns and opens the left one. The shark creature pops it's head out and laughs at him. 2D leaps back and kicks out at it with his foot, slamming the door closed. He clutches at his chest, his eye holes wide, panting frantically with fright.

"Okay. Dats it. I ain't openin' any more cupboard doors." He decides shaking his head rapidly from side to side. He suddenly spots Murdocs laptop, leaning against the side of the bedside table. He smiles and picks it up. Walking back to the small table near the door he sits down and opens the computer. It almost immediately asks for a password and 2D scratches his head thinking. "If I woz Muds? What would it be?" 2D wonders. Then shrugging his shoulders takes a few random guesses.

He is distracted by a couple of short sharp taps on the window outside. And carefully pulls the curtain aside. Cortez looks angrily at him from his perch on the mirror. 2D smiles and punches in the birds name. It works and the laptop opens up. 2D claps his hands together and starts to work.

The next morning at breakfast. 2D is eating cereal and chatting with Noodle. Russel is hidden behind his usual food mountain. When a very confused looking Murdoc walks in. The old man grabs a bottle of Whiskey from the cupboard, sits down and pours himself a large drink.

"What's wrong with you?" Russel asks quietly observing Murdocs demeanor. Murdoc looks over at the large man and shakes his head.

"I just got a really strange e-mail." the old man mutters and scratches his head. Russel creases his forehead and sits back in his chair.

"Yeah? What about?" he asks, pressing the old man for more information.

"Well. It seems that I apparently put my goolies up for auction on e-Bay. And I now have two medical schools in a bidding war over them. They wanted to make sure I meant it. When I said that who ever bids highest, has my permission to come over and chop them off. Without any kind of anaesthetic." the old man replies. He looks down at the glass of Whiskey, and guzzles from the bottle instead. Russel chuckles and sneers at him.

"That'll teach ya fer goin online when yer drunk." the drummer smiles and goes back to his breakfast. Murdoc smiles awkwardly and finishes the bottle.

"I really don't remember doing that." he mutters and shrugging stands up and walks to the balcony door.

"What are ya gunna do if somebody wins?" 2D asks smiling into his bowl. Murdoc snaps an angry look around and glares at the back of the young mans head. But overcome with the thought of some first grade medical student, running at him with an axe and a mean look in his eye. He shudders and opens the door instead.

"Dunno? Mexico is looking really good right now." he sighs and steps outside.


End file.
